I was lucky enough to know ahead of time my baby would be prem... Lucky? Yes, lucky it wasn't sprung upon me without fore-notice, and lucky my baby was delivered early, but alive. Both bub and I survived a severe concealed placental abruption that required early delivery due to IUGR and the chance of fetal death due to a placenta that was 80% swiss-cheese of haemorhage.
My heart goes out to anyone who's been faced with the prem delivery of their child, and the maelstrom of feelings and overwhelming circumstances that follow.
You feel relieved and glad the baby made it...happy they are still alive...for now. You feel cheated that you didn't get 'really big and pregnant' and get to experience a more natural birth. You feel like you've landed on the Starship Enterprise entering the NICU for the first time. You feel amazed that all these tubes and monitors are keeping your baby alive; grateful but sad that it has to be this way. Well, I felt these things, anyway. Everyone will have a different response. Honour your feelings. However you feel is ok.
Firstly, read the NICU notes they hand you. It's hard to do this when you are emotional and sleep deprived, but there's medical protocol to learn, new terminology to get your head around, and some great advice (usually) that will help you connect with your baby.
Keep a diary...You'll wish you did. In the exhaustion of the first few days/weeks, it's hard to remember everything you see and learn.
Do all the 'cares' for your baby if you are allowed and able ~ changing nappies, taking temperatures, kanga-care during feeds. This is your chance to get close to your baby, and if you are not allowed by the staff to do these things, complain to the hospital. The staff should be facilitating contact between you and your baby, not getting in the way and preventing contact.
Treasure the keepsakes like the miniature hospital wristbands your baby grows out of and used monitoring disposables...make a box for them and stash them away. Some people aren't sentimental about this stuff, but I'm so glad I kept my baby's.
You are your baby's best advocate, and it is such a steep learning-curve at a difficult emotional time. Listen to the info you are told and ask as many Q's as you need to to get this stuff into your head. No Q is stupid ~ you can't be expected to know this stuff unless you learn it.
And finally (for now), take time out to process your emotions and get some quiet time. Find a park, beach, cafe or whatever close to the hospital where you can go between feeds to debrief and attempt to relax. You may want to spend as much time as possible with your bub, but the NICU/SCN can burn you out with its emotionally-charged atmosphere. Take some time for yourself, as you will then be better able to give back to your baby.
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